Retrieving a lost silence...........

It's funny how this post on the need for silence comes after an absence or silence of 3 years or so from the blogging world! Finding a few minutes of peace to attempt stringing my thoughts together has been difficult as I have constantly been overcome by events. Matrimony and motherhood seem to rob me of my speech however cliched I may sound. 

I have always loved company and yet these days I yearn for solitude so I can let silence resonate within me. Recently, I realized I  have been evading silence, afraid it may bring with it a sense of loneliness. Introspection may shatter the feeling of contentment I have been basking in. At work I firmly plug in my ear phones. No doubt it helps me concentrate, however on occasions when I forget my ear phones at home, paradoxically I feel I have gone deaf and to get my hearing back, I need the constant flow of music! Contrary to some people's impression, I am not trying to keep them out or ignore them, I am trying to keep myself out and hide from my thoughts.


Wanting to shut the world out to turn inwards and spend time by myself feels like a selfish thing to do and brings with it a truck load of guilt. Those around me feel left out and rejected when I express the need or desire to be alone. However, I need to surface so I can take a deep breath and dive down again.


In my student days I spent long hours on the terrace of my house. Most days I would be preparing for paper presentations and exams but equal time was lavished on plain day dreaming. It's an art that I have forgotten to practice. Painting, poetry, music, theater and movies make me feel alive. They are each an intensely personal experience and engagement of  art, realized most when ruminating in silence.

In the monotonous routine that characterizes my life today, I have forgotten the beauty of silence. I  fear what silence may remind me of or bring home to me. Like the pensieve in Harry Potter, I would love an instrument that would help me retrieve and relive moments in life, to shed new light on old labels.